I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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