Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize