I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
