I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
