that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
