i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize