you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
