is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
