I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
