awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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