One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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