I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
where are you?
Hypothermia
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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