Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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