I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
