I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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