apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
