my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
