I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
