I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
