I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
