i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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