Your face is a jimmy john
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
