Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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