i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
