At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
