very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
