He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
