We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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