Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
