I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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