Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
