I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
