Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
