I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
