I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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