I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bring money and cleavage
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
