3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
