so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
