Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
