can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
