so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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