k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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