WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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