So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
