I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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