Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
