do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When did angry sex become our thing?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
