Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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