It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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