Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
