if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
