So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
