How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
