Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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