your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
