Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
barbara walters just said penis...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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