That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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