Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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