Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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