Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
