Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
