I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
