she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
