All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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