When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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