At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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