apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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