I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
