I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
